The All Knowing Infant

I didn’t realize until a couple of days ago the big problem with the “divine infant” syndrome, where infants and children are assumed to be the voice of wisdom, reason and knowledge.

We’ve all laughed at the woke eight year olds — it’s always eight year olds — who talk about how terrified they are for the election of a Republican, or the potential repeal of Roe vs. Wade, or whatever it might be. I mean, let’s talk about it, shall we? I’ve heard of “woke eight year olds” terrified of the repeal of net neutrality, okay?

And we giggle when they say something like “that’s a micro aggression, because my ten year old told me.”

But the biggest problem, in the way of the paved way to you know where, is that this has seeped into the culture, everywhere since the sixties.

If there is something done and established, and something supported by the youth, well then the youth stuff must be better.

This might have made some sense in a time of rapid techno development, but it makes zero sense in modes of living and being in the world.

I mean, sure, if I’ve just acquired a new gadget and can’t for the live of me figure out how to make it work (doesn’t actually happen that often because I’m a fairly competent non-techy) my son is likely to know. well, if my husband isn’t available.

The only other thing I will lean on my sons for is media trends, from games to comics. If I think I’m impinging on an area that might have a deep history I know nothing about, then I ask the boys. Or my husband. Because al of them watch/play/do more visual stuff than I do.

You know what I don’t do? Find the youngest person who can speak and ask them what I should do about some moral dilema. Or if abortion is right. Or what to believe about anything.

The problem, if you look at practically all visual media, the child is the “smart one” and the one who is “wise.”

And this has primed us for ridiculousness. Most of those teachers wanting to talk to kids under five about their sex lives are seeking absolution. No, seriously. In the back of their brains, if the kid agrees, they’re obviously okay.

And of course, it allows a lot of sometimes confused, not actively malicious parents to believe that their three year old “really” know they’re the opposite sex, despite physical evidence to the contrary.

Because, you know, kids know!

This bizarre illusion would be funny if it weren’t having such disastrous results. I’m not exactly sure how it started. I know in medieval poems and ballads the “infant at the breast” speaks, and always tells the absolute truth, but part of that is that a) the child was innocent and therefore a conduit for G-d’s grace; b) it was a miracle, which clinched it.

If I had to guess at the new cliche, I think it comes from wanting to subvert expectations. Same thng that gave us the “wise and all knowing homeless lady” for a while. But while you can play with those particularly in SF and fantasy. (This is why you guys haven’t forgiven me for killing a certain gator) it didn’t take like the “all knowing infant” has. Because all knowing homeless is obviously crazy and dangerous, but everyone likes kids, and kids do sometimes SEEM to have amazing insights.

Seem to? Well, within their limited knowledge they might surprise you with something like “Mom, you’ve been sneezing since we changed our pillows.”

You know what your kid — even a very smart one — won’t surprise you with? “Mom, the approach to space colonization is all wrong.” (Okay, fine, my son said that at 8, but he still hasn’t built the space/time travel machine he promised if only I bought him more K’nex. I’m starting to think he just wanted to scam me out of more K’nex.)

I don’t know if the reason we’re all falling for this is a result of a life soaked in story and narrative, but for the record, there are things kids know and things kids don’t know.

They might be experts in something they do every day and you never do. They might notice things that you know are unimportant, but they think are all important. This will allow them sometimes to notice, say, that you missed something in the cake you’re baking. Particularly if they saw you making it before, or the recipe is in a video. But they won’t tell you you’re using the wrong type of flour, unless they can read and are obsessed with cooking. And even then he won’t be 3.

Kids are human. They don’t have extra-sensory ways of acquiring knowledge. So in general they know less than adults do, and often rely on their parents for their opinions. And sometimes think their parents’ opinions are not what they are, but they misinterpret the signs.

A little kid has no clue if he’s “really” a girl, because he has no clue what a girl is, not inside. Which is why he concentrates on the stereotypes. They might want to wear pink, or play with dolls or whatever but that’s a really stupid reason to castrate a boy and destroy his future. (And for the record every little boy at some point wants to do something profoundly girly. One of mine wanted to learn embroidery. He likes making things. And every little little girl becomes smitten with a set of playing cars or a train set.) Also, I hate to say this, but almost every kid at some point wants to be a cat, a robot or a car. Because they don’t know any better, not because they’re all-knowing.

They particularly do not understand how society should be organized. How would they have come by that knowledge?

Remember the old “The kids are our future” — well, self-obviously — but they are not magical, and they’re not all-knowing.

It’s time for the kids to be kids and the adults to be adults again, before this crazy train goes over the cliff and onto the flaming dumpster fire.

Consuming stories is all very find, but you really shouldn’t believe fiction. And writing stories is great, but drinking your own ink is toxic.

Remember reality and don’t be fooled by pretty dreams.